At a sparsely attended Press Conference at the holy shrine of Lucy Thomas Fountain, bottom of High St., Merthyr, former politician and now religious leader Wayne-O Pijin was holding forth.
Wayne-O declared his intention to stand in next year's Assembly election as a candidate for the Pijic Flying Party.
'Pijic Flying is a way of life. It's open to anyone who's willing to learn and it will change everything', he explained, whilst picking at a stray piece of Peter's pie.
'Once you become one with death, you become one with life....you get your priorities right. I am willing to embrace anyone now ( with the exception of seagulls and their agents).'
I asked him to explain this prejudice when he maintained the unifying force of Pijinism.
' Seagulls are beyond the pale! They are the ISIS of the bird world ,as far as we're concerned. They're a threat to our very existence and they've hired agents to infiltrate the Food Cloisters (Merthyr bus station).'
I then enquired who these agents were.
'They descend on the Tubes in flocks or sometimes pairs. Their plumage may not be white, but they do squawk a lot. I believe they are called More-mans, Fundy-mentals and Jovies by you No-Wings. They often have strange calls like - Will ya take a wee gospel text?'
I asked him to elaborate on his election campaign.
'If Pijic Flying really takes off (pardon the pun!), then I envisage Lucy Thomas Fountain becoming a place of pilgrimage for thousands, as we're planning on standing throughout Wales.
This will boost the town's economy , with many converted No-Wings visiting the so-called Cafe Quarter, which has a serious lack of actual cafes....it might become an actual Cafe Quarter as a result.
This town could become the world centre of Pijic Flying in time.
It would also become the cleanest, most litter-free place in the country with all the descending pigeons tackling every stray chip or piece of pasty.'
I wanted to find out what made his party different from the others.
'Well, imagine a radio. You're tuning into all these stations with music and talk and then suddenly you come across a broadcast that's not tunes or natter or even constant coo-ing. It's a sound like no other and it seems to explain everything, without giving any kind of formula. Once you find that broadcast you'll want no other.....that is the pirate radio station Radio Pijin going out every moment of every day, music of the universe called 'Flying Without Wings'.
Just a simple cross next May will guarantee a host of pigeons in Cardiff Bay.....no longer AMs fixated on computer screens, but ones preaching the connection between without and within.
Is that clear?'
This is a poem written by his campaign manager Al-Wings Jones.
You can fly without wings
you can fly without the sky
you can become pijinified
experience a journey inside
a vote will change you
and so the world too
feather your brains
plume your imaginations
become one with your inner Wayne
-O Pijin, the ultimate Guru!