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ALL  AIL  WAYNE-O  PIJIN!

7/17/2015

2 Comments

 
Picture
Satguru , His High Holiness Wayne-O Pijin

   After his remarkable re-birth, former election candidate for the Coo-coo-operative Party Wayne-O Pijin agreed to meet me at the now holy shrine of Lucy Thomas Fountain, lower High Street, Merthyr.
   I was very wary about getting to the top of the fountain, but Wayne-O assured me this would be easy.
   'You're a Bluebird!' he insisted, I've seen your Facebook profile. If you can't fly up, then nobody can.'
   I was about to explain the connotations of being a Cardiff City fan when he flew off towards the Redhouse to meet his disciple Al-Wings Jones.
   He left me with a pizza box and on it, scrawled in tomato puree, were ten commandments of Pijinism :-

  1. Everything is Nothing and Nothing is Everything.
  2. Pijic Flying is essential for spiritual well-being ( courses available from Wayne-O Pijin, one pasty per session).
  3. Death is merely a state of mind ( leaflets can be purchased from Al-Wings Jones, one donut each).
  4. Greggsology is a false creed (don't be fooled by its open doors).
  5. Seagulls are messengers of the devil ( even though we don't believe in him).
  6. All droppings from above must be selective not random. No-Wings who embrace Pijinism will henceforth be guano-free.
  7. The Food Tubes shall be re-named The Food Cloisters and be regarded as holy ground to all pigeons.
  8. All offerings left at Lucy Thomas Fountain shall be shared ( between Satguru Pijin and his many wives and offspring).
  9. Coo-munion will take place late every Saturday night with the 'taking of the retchings'.
  10. The only true politics is the philosophy of one-ness experienced by 'flying without wings'.

   When I eventually met up with Wayne-O Pijin at Lucy Thomas Fountain he was extremely amused as I clambered up towards him.
  ' Call yourself a Bluebird? You No-Wings are soooo pretentious!'
  Finally, out of breath and feeling precarious, I began the interview :
   ' What exactly is Pijic Flying and how will it benefit anyone?'
  ' It is the way of harmony and connection with the whole universe, except seagulls of course! I experienced it when I was judged to be 'dead'.....I am now saying that everyone else can, even a so-called  Bluebird like yourself.'
  ' But why do you want to profit from it?'
  ' The profit, as you call it, is merely the energy of the universe. It is the fuel to sustain this mystery.'
  ' But doesn't it go to you and your very large family?'
  ' Look, my Bluebird friend, we are here on this sacred site. I accept you have doubts, but be assured this isn't for my good but for everyone's....I already have one No-Wings who is a convert....he has partaken of the blessed vomit.....Look below you and see him balancing on that bench. That No-Wings is experiencing Pijic Flying.'
  ' He just looks drunk!'
  ' Not true! Listen and you'll hear him proclaim.'
  Sure enough, from below in the street I could hear the man call out:
   'Ey I'm flyin! Don' need no wings! This is fuckin magic mun!'
   I put it to Wayne-O Pijin that he's simply interested in exerting more power over other pigeons and gullible No-Wings as well.
   ' I'm only a messenger for that great energy which flows through everything and brings opposites together - life and death, light and dark, good and seagulls - into one.'
   ' Seagulls?'
   ' Well, maybe not....but they are trying to take over and threaten our livelihoods.'
   ' So how come there are certain rules for you - like having so many wives - while everyone else must couple for life?'
   ' Once again, O Bluebird of Doubt, this is entirely down to that energy force. I have to do its bidding.'
   My interview was then cut short when Bazza the Wood Pijin arrived with some serious Tincture of Cornbeef Pasty and Wayne-O declared that he had a meeting of his Inner Circle.


   I leave you with a eulogy written by one of Wayne-O's wives, the enchanting Rita  Homer :-


                                ALL  AIL  PIJIN!




All ail the Satguru o Pijinism,
all ail Wayne-O Pijin!


No more will Greggsology
determine ower livin.


Holy spew an scraps an pickins,
worship at the Lucy Thomas Fountain!


Skewer us with yewer spikes,
or shoot us with yewer stick things ;


we will not die, we are alive
as the re-born Pijin.


Pijic Flyin is a state of no-mind,
I Rita Homer am at one


with ev'rythin and nothin.
All ail Wayne-O Pijin!


   
2 Comments
Bazza the Wood Pijin link
7/16/2015 11:20:43 pm

All ail Satguru Wayne-O Pijin! Bless is oly wings!

Reply
Al-Wings Jones
7/21/2015 05:40:55 am

Yes, death is merely a state of mind ( Pijinism commandment 3 ).
Life is death, death is life, nothing exists ( as explained in our leaflet-at a cost of one donut, or one leaflet no donut, one donut no leaflet, no donut no leaflet : nothing exists ). Pijinism Forevernever !

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