The UKIP candidate had been traumatised as a child
when he witnessed his horse being raped
by a gay donkey on heat.
He'd wanted to take the whip to it,
but all he could do was cry ;
Enoch, his horse, was never the same after that.
He would rear and bolt at the sight
of anything strange or different :
a gypsy pony or a Siamese cat.
The candidate Piers followed suit;
he argued that gays brought revenge from God
and the weather would be awful if they came out.
He questioned his mother's friends
to check if they cleaned behind the fridge;
peered suspiciously at foreign-speaking folk on trains.
Even do-gooders raising money down town
he dismissed as mere ambassadors
for Bongo-bongo Land.
Watching Lenny Henry on tv
he couldn't help thinking he'd be better off
and more content in a 'black country'.
So he took up smoking, drank beer at the local,
changed his name to Peter
and stood for a seaside constituency.
With his grin and charm he was convincing,
till it came to the walkabout on the beach
and he avenged his horse with a megaphone!
'CANDIDATE ASSAULTS DONKEY!'
read the Seaport Times and nobody believed
his tragically true story.
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