Al-Wings Jones, my Campaign Manager, must take credit for it.
- I ad this vision see, he told me. I wuz meditatin on tha new parabola bridge, when it come t me!......a nest on wheels! An then, wha bloody appens?
- Wha's tha, Al?
- The cackin One Nation Labour Party on'y gazump me, tha's wha.
- Eh?
- It's all over-a chip papers Wayne-O, don' tell me yew int seen it?...They got this pinko bus on the road to appeal t female voters.
- Oh, I got it!
- Aye....I reckon them CCTVs cun take pictures of yewer friggin visions an all. Well, we could still go a'ead if yew wan'.
- Orright, Al, wha's yewer plan?
- Jest an ewge nest on wheels goin from place t place.....we might even make it t Rhymney, never know.
- Andin out free pasties?
- Freebies yeah....providin we cun get Greggs t sponsor us. We get voters inta the nest an then Coo them inta submission. They'll be flyin by-a time they've sucked on a few of ower specially long chips!
So, Al-Wings had devised a plan and Incredibly Pinko Labour had stolen it.
However, we were not deterred by this.
We knew UKIP would have a purple horse-drawn carriage touring Merthyr and that they'd flog a few donkeys in public to exact revenge.
We knew the Lib Dems would launch a yellow Bananamobile in Dic Penderyn Square as a desperate publicity stunt.
We also knew that even the Tories would be out and about, floating over town in a blue hot air balloon and dropping leaflets from afar.
We were expecting Plaid Cymru to take to the road in a giant Cabbagemobile in homage to their leader's love of allotments (that party being something of a personality cult).
And the Greens were apparently planning a futuristic capsule powered only by pigeons' droppings. A novel idea I thought, though Al-Wings Jones summed it up as 'A load of shit!'
However, our nest would ensure us the support of the youth, as stray college students would gravitate towards the free lunch.
As to the bird world, even fancy jays couldn't help but be impressed by our resourcefulness.
( For this poem, I came over all Shakespeare..........
OUR WHEELED NEST
All hail our pigeon battle bus,
all hail our wheeled nest!
Bring forth citizens, O martyred place,
we shall co-co-co- discuss.
Let guano from the skies
descend on all who foul mouth
our avian dreams and schemes,
be they two-legged or winged ones.
All hail to the future,
to the citadel of Greggs!
Bring forth your votes in bundles and stacks
and we will ne'er target your pates.
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