Wayne-O Pijin still intends to stand for Merthyr in the next General Election, despite dropping out of (or, should I say, down from) his course at the local Cooo - ollege.
I caught up with him at his new favoured perch at the Old Town Hall, Redhouse.
Things haven't been going well for Pijin of late, with several scandals associated with his campaign.
Firstly, his Campaign manager Al-Wings Jones was accused of being a Cooo-omunist when he suggested that all pigeons be allowed access to cafes , restaurants and bakeries.
Then a photo went viral on the bird media site twitters of Wayne-o Pijin apparently smoking a joint.
Pijin denied this immediately, saying that it was merely a long chip which was steaming as it was very hot.
He added - 'Who needs to get high when you can fly up whenever you want?'
Some of the stories being circulated about him he dismissed as ludicrous.
'They claim in the press that I've had over 30 wives, yet it's a well-known fact that we pigeons couple for life. The encounter with the dirty dove was a one-off and totally in error.'
Despite these set-backs, Pijin seems ready to take on all the major parties and demolished each one in turn.....
'The Greens? They talk about recycling, but we go ahead and carry it out every day.
Labour want to knock down our Food Tubes just because we control them....a sure sign they are worried.
The Tories would have us all shot like clay pigeons and those LibDems are just seagull spies in suits and ties.
Plaid Cymru has a leader in favour of gun ownership....say no more!
UKIP would shut down all the Polish shops down town, thus depriving us of the tastiest of sausage bits.
No, Pijin Power is the only way!'
When I accused Pijin of hypocrisy, leaving his course yet living in the eaves of the College's own Redhouse, he went into an irate flutter.
'You accuse me of hypocrisy when the No-Wings do all they can to encourage seagulls at our expense?
Just look at the huge landfill site? It's like a great feast for those bloody scavenging gulls....we don't get a look in!
I then put it to Wayne-O that he was being as divisive as the very parties he was attacking.
'No way! I've said this so many times I'm sick to the beak....we are doing the No-Wings a massive service, yet getting shat on!
If it weren't for us they would be knee-deep in thrown-away food and vomit!
They'd be suffocating in their own waste.'
Finally - before flying off to a Cooo-onference entitled 'Seagulls Don't Belong Here' - Wayne-O Pijin left me with a forceful comment -
'We're local birds, born and bred. We belong here yet we're being forced out!......Ask yourselves, is that fair?'
SEAGULLS OUT!
Seagulls with theyer fancy ways,
don' wanna be like them no more.
I'm all f co-co-co-operation,
but not with them an-a No-Wings.
They come up-a valley from Cardiff
talkin in theyer twangy tones.
They've taken over-a river
an soon it'll be the town.
They're driven us pijins t distraction,
we gotta fight f'r ev'ry crumb.
Power t the grey I say,
them white buggers look too clean.
I studied theyer psychology,
I'm an expert at Greggsology.
Them seagulls don' b'long yer :
it int yet Merthyr-Super-Mare.
RSS Feed
