Former election candidate Wayne-O Pijin killed by a juggernaut
This week has seen the tragic death of one of Merthyr's most colourful ever election candidates (despite the grey plumage).
Dr. Wayne-O Pijin, a PhD in Greggsology, stood for the Coo-coo-operative Party in the recent 'General Erection' (as he termed it).
Sadly, his name never appeared on the ballot papers.
The Electoral Commission ruled that a bird could not stand, despite the fact that many Cuckoos and Dodos appear to have been elected in England, Wales and n. Ireland.
While Dr. Pijin's legal representative, the collared dove Timothy Rich-Pickings, was working on an appeal, he decided to abandon his home town of Merthyr Tudful and migrate to Scotland where, he claimed, the lure of discarded deep-fried Mars bars and also a political system which put the 'Coo' back into 'operative' were too great to resist.
Wayne-O Pijin left very suddenly, but gave a message to one of his loyal supporters Bazza the wood pijin, to impart to his many followers -
'Just because I am flying elsewhere doesn't mean everyone should do so. I'm retiring immediately as leader of the Coo-coo-operative Party, but will return soon to take up the same position....on the roof of the Redhouse.'
Unfortunately, we will never see Wayne-O Pijin again.
He was found on a minor road on Friday afternoon after being hit by a juggernaut which, ironically, was transporting pasties and pies.
He died suddenly yet with some degree of pleasure in the end, as he was apparently seen swooping for a stray piece of ham sandwich.
His legal representative Timothy Rich-Pickings praised Dr. Pijin for his extensive knowledge of the ins and outs of the Greggs system.
His numerous wives are expected to flock to his wake on the roof of Lucy Thomas Fountain, where he was born and where his friend and election agent Al-Wings Jones will read this elegy :-
ELEGY T WAYNE-O PIJIN
Pooer ol Wayne-O,
never died as he'd-a liked to
bonkin on-a rooftops
or OD-ing on prime spew ;
never kicked the chip carton
scoffin is beak off.
Wayne-O Pijin, eero
of-a Food Tewbs an skies,
oos name never even
got on one ballot paper
coz of anti-avian discrimination.
It by a juggernaut
on is way t Scotland
t seek political asylum
from all-a No-Wings scum
oo shunned is wisdom
as jest so much pastie-fillin.
Wayne-O, we will bury yew
in a KFC bucket
down by Lucy Thomas Fountain
where yew woz once a fledglin ;
yewer vision o Coo-coo-operation
will forever live on.
Dr. Wayne-O Pijin, a PhD in Greggsology, stood for the Coo-coo-operative Party in the recent 'General Erection' (as he termed it).
Sadly, his name never appeared on the ballot papers.
The Electoral Commission ruled that a bird could not stand, despite the fact that many Cuckoos and Dodos appear to have been elected in England, Wales and n. Ireland.
While Dr. Pijin's legal representative, the collared dove Timothy Rich-Pickings, was working on an appeal, he decided to abandon his home town of Merthyr Tudful and migrate to Scotland where, he claimed, the lure of discarded deep-fried Mars bars and also a political system which put the 'Coo' back into 'operative' were too great to resist.
Wayne-O Pijin left very suddenly, but gave a message to one of his loyal supporters Bazza the wood pijin, to impart to his many followers -
'Just because I am flying elsewhere doesn't mean everyone should do so. I'm retiring immediately as leader of the Coo-coo-operative Party, but will return soon to take up the same position....on the roof of the Redhouse.'
Unfortunately, we will never see Wayne-O Pijin again.
He was found on a minor road on Friday afternoon after being hit by a juggernaut which, ironically, was transporting pasties and pies.
He died suddenly yet with some degree of pleasure in the end, as he was apparently seen swooping for a stray piece of ham sandwich.
His legal representative Timothy Rich-Pickings praised Dr. Pijin for his extensive knowledge of the ins and outs of the Greggs system.
His numerous wives are expected to flock to his wake on the roof of Lucy Thomas Fountain, where he was born and where his friend and election agent Al-Wings Jones will read this elegy :-
ELEGY T WAYNE-O PIJIN
Pooer ol Wayne-O,
never died as he'd-a liked to
bonkin on-a rooftops
or OD-ing on prime spew ;
never kicked the chip carton
scoffin is beak off.
Wayne-O Pijin, eero
of-a Food Tewbs an skies,
oos name never even
got on one ballot paper
coz of anti-avian discrimination.
It by a juggernaut
on is way t Scotland
t seek political asylum
from all-a No-Wings scum
oo shunned is wisdom
as jest so much pastie-fillin.
Wayne-O, we will bury yew
in a KFC bucket
down by Lucy Thomas Fountain
where yew woz once a fledglin ;
yewer vision o Coo-coo-operation
will forever live on.
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