In an extraordinary development this week, leader of the Pijic Flying Party and Satguru of Pijinism Wayne-O Pijin escaped from custody at Merthyr Police Station.
He is now presumably 'on the wing' in this area after a daring escape.
It appears from talking to local officers that he got away with the assistance of other birds who were imprisoned.
'There was a serious disturbance in the cages,' explained PC Hopkins. 'My colleague PC Howells went into the cage of Arty the seagull believing that I was trapped inside and being set upon.
It transpired that Woody the mynah bird had successfully imitated my voice.
When inside this cage, PC Howells was subject to a serious assault and the aforesaid seagull managed to steal his keys and release almost every single avian criminal!
So it's not just Wayne-O Pijin we are seeking, but a number of feathered fugitives.
We will have to stop playing snooker and emerge from our bunker in order to try and capture them.
They are a danger to the public and we've already had reports of various sightings.
The seagull has been spotted on the roof of Cardiff Central Station and the mynah bird actually auditioned for Merthyr's Got Talent at the Redhouse, till he was exposed and flew through an open window.
We have had one reported sighting of Wayne-O Pijin, who we believe was the brains behind this break-out.
This was reported to us by a Mr D.R. Davies of Winchfawr.'
An amazing coincidence indeed, as I suspected this was none other than Dai 'The Rhyme' Davies, my friend from down the road.
Hours later, sitting in his bungalow, Dai assured me that he had phoned the police.
' To be honest, Mike, I thought I was suffering from dementia and having hallucinations.
It's not every day you see a pigeon in your garden wearing a black beret and dark glasses.
I didn't know whether to contact my GP or what, till I heard a police appeal on the radio.
After what you told me about him, I never went near this Pijin fella, but I did manage to get a snap of him.
He looked more like the bloody Bird Maffia to me mun. Little Vlad was very wary and kept his distance and whined.'
It was good to chat with Dai again and he insisted I try his lentil cawl.
'Never thought I'd make something like that, but my daughter Deb's a veggie see.'
He was taken aback when I told him there was a Merthyr song called 'No Lentils in Cawl'.
' Well, there bloody are lentils now mun, and they don't half repeat on you, I can tell you. I been experimenting with cuisine....Next time that pigeon shows up I'll be shooting him with more than a camera.....lovely pigeon stew, eh?'
He explained that his political limericks had been going well and showed me his latest one -
There was a Health Secretary called Hunt
whose views were a total affront ;
Junior Doctors he shat on
and the Unions he spat on,
in fact he was a total c__t.
'I wrote a poem about that Wayne-O and all, Mike. You're welcome to display it on your dot-dot machine.
I must get one some day. Deb spends most of her time on her phone. Bloody barkin!'
So, Wayne-O Pijin remains at large and must not be approached by the general public.
It's feared that his disguise ( beret and dark glasses) signals another change in his chameleon-like character.
Even his wives, such as Gloria McFly and Rena Dove, deny any knowledge of his whereabouts.
The sighting in Winchfawr suggests he is still in the Merthyr area and potentially a threat to all No-Wings.
PIGEON ON THE RUN
When he told me he'd interviewed a bird
it was the maddest thing I'd heard
and claimed a pigeon was a religious leader,
I said - 'Wise up, have you seen my feeder?'
But then I saw out the window one day
the weirdest sight you'll ever see :
a pigeon wearing dark glasses and beret,
thought I was going totally loopy.
I'd only drunk a couple of beers
down Spoons before I came home;
then I came over all queer
and took a pill to calm me down.
When I later phoned the cops to explain
they said - 'That's Wayne-O Pijin on the run,
he's escaped from prison mun.
Stay away from him, he's mean.'
by Dai 'The Rhyme' Davies
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